My lungs - John Roedel

 my brain and

heart divorce

a decade ago

over who was

to blame about

how big of a mess

I have become

eventually,

they couldn't be 

in the same room

with each other 

now my head and heart 

share custody of me

I stay with my brain 

during the week

and my heart 

gets me on weekends

they never speak to one another

    - instead, they give me

the same note to pass

to each other every week 

and their notes they

send to one another always 

says the same thing:

"This is all your fault"

on Sundays

my heart complains

about how my 

head has let me down

in the past

and on Wednesday

my head lists all

of the times my 

heart has screwed

things up for me 

in the future

they blame each

other for the 

state of my life

there's been a lot

of yelling - and crying

so,

    lately, I've been

spending a lot of 

time with my gut

who serves as my

unofficial therapist

most nights, I sneak out of the

window in my ribcage

and slide down my spine

and collapse on my 

gut's plush leather chair

that's always open for me

~ and I just sit sit sit sit

until the sun comes up

last evening, 

my gut asked me

if I was having a hard

time being caught 

between my heart

and my head

I nodded

I said I didn't know

if I could live with 

either of them anymore

"my heart is always sad about

something that happened yesterday

while my head is always worried

about something that may happen tomorrow," 

I lamented

my gut squeezed my hand

"I just can't live with

my mistakes of the past

or my anxiety about the future,"

I sighed

my gut smiled and said:

"in that case, 

you should 

go stay with your 

lungs for a while,"

I was confused

  - the look on my face gave it away

"if you are exhausted about

your heart's obsession with

the fixed past and your mind's focus

on the uncertain future

your lungs are the perfect place for you

there is no yesterday in your lungs

there is no tomorrow there eithe

there is only now

there is only inhale

there is only exhale

there is only this moment

there is only breath

and in that breath

you can rest while your

heart and head work 

their relationship out."

this morning,

while my brain

was busy reading

tea leaves

and while my

heart was staring

at old photographs 

I packed a little

bag and walked

to the door of 

my lungs

before I could even knock

she opened the door

with a smile and as

a gust of air embraced me

she said

"what took you so long?"

Waiting By Leza Lowitz

You keep waiting for something to happen,

the thing that lifts you out of yourself,

 

catapults you into doing all the things you've put off

the great things you're meant to do in life,

 

but somehow never quite get to.

You keep waiting for the planets to shift

 

the new moon to bring news,

the universe to align, something to give.

 

Meanwhile, the piles of papers, the laundry, the dishes, the job---

it all stacks up while you keep hoping

 

for some miracle to blast down upon you,

scattering the piles to the winds.

 

Sometimes you lie in bed, terrified of your life.

Sometimes you laugh at the privilege of waking.

 

But all the while, life goes on in its messy way.

And then you turn forty. Or fifty. Or sixty...

 

and some part of you realizes you are not alone

and you find signs of this in the animal kingdom---

 

when a snake sheds its skin, its eyes glaze over,

it slinks under a rock, not wanting to be touched,

 

and when caterpillar turns to butterfly,

if the pupa is brushed, it will die---

 

and when the bird taps its beak hungrily against the egg

it's because the thing is too small, too small,

 

and it needs to break out.

And midlife walks you into that wisdom

 

that this is what transformation looks like---

the mess of it, the tapping at the walls of your life,

 

the yearning and writhing and pushing,

until one day, one day

 

you emerge from the wreck

just as you are,

 

no, even better than that

because you know it now

 

both the immense dawn 

and the dusk of the body

 

and  it's all still there,

glistening and new.

Closer to Free by Julia Fehrenbacher

.

It does not matter if it is good, if you use the right words 

or the prettiest words, if you craft sentences complete

with commas and metaphors all in the right place.

.

It matters that it feels good, that you splash

around with joy, that you forget

the world for more than a while, that you make a merry mess,

feel the flap of wings against ribcage, that you mix

yellow and blue to make the just-right shade

of green, the green that reminds you of the field you rested in

.

when you were still considered young.

.

It does not matter if you win the contests,

collect the rewards, the credentials,

the most pats on the back, if all your As

are straight, if all your sentences come to a full stop.

.

It matters that you forget the push

of performance while you lean in close 

to opening crocus, that you let something

in you open too.

.

It matters that you drape words

off the page - miles off the page

even, that you write your way to true -

that you feel the shake of a voice finally found -

.

the flutter of a voice finally free.

.

Immortality - Mary Elizabeth Frye

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there. I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.

I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain.

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry;

I am not there. I did not die. "

To His Coy Mistress BY ANDREW MARVELL

Had we but world enough and time, 
This coyness, lady, were no crime. 
We would sit down, and think which way 
To walk, and pass our long love’s day. 
Thou by the Indian Ganges’ side 
Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide 
Of Humber would complain. I would 
Love you ten years before the flood, 
And you should, if you please, refuse 
Till the conversion of the Jews. 

My vegetable love should grow 
Vaster than empires and more slow; 
An hundred years should go to praise 
Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze; 
Two hundred to adore each breast, 
But thirty thousand to the rest; 
An age at least to every part, 
And the last age should show your heart. 

For, lady, you deserve this state, 
Nor would I love at lower rate. 
       But at my back I always hear 
Time’s wingèd chariot hurrying near; 
And yonder all before us lie 
Deserts of vast eternity. 

Thy beauty shall no more be found; 
Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound 
My echoing song; then worms shall try 
That long-preserved virginity, 
And your quaint honour turn to dust, 
And into ashes all my lust; 
The grave’s a fine and private place, 
But none, I think, do there embrace. 

Now therefore, while the youthful hue 
Sits on thy skin like morning dew, 
And while thy willing soul transpires 
At every pore with instant fires, 
Now let us sport us while we may, 
And now, like amorous birds of prey, 
Rather at once our time devour 
Than languish in his slow-chapped power.

Let us roll all our strength and all 
Our sweetness up into one ball, 
And tear our pleasures with rough strife 
Through the iron gates of life: 
Thus, though we cannot make our sun 
Stand still, yet we will make him run.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters by Portia Nelson

Chapter I
I walk, down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in...
I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II
I walk, down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place,
but it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III
I walk, down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...
It's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter IV
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter V
I walk down another street.

So Many Different Lengths of Time by Brian Patten

How long does a man live after all?
A thousand days or only one?
One week or a few centuries?
How long does a man spend living or dying
and what do we mean when we say gone forever?

Adrift in such preoccupations, we seek clarification.
We can go to the philosophers
but they will weary of our questions.
We can go to the priests and rabbis
but they might be busy with administrations.

So, how long does a man live after all?
And how much does he live while he lives?
We fret and ask so many questions -
then when it comes to us
the answer is so simple after all.

A man lives for as long as we carry him inside us,
for as long as we carry the harvest of his dreams,
for as long as we ourselves live,
holding memories in common, a man lives.

His lover will carry his man's scent, his touch:
his children will carry the weight of his love.
One friend will carry his arguments,
another will hum his favourite tunes,
another will still share his terrors.

And the days will pass with baffled faces,
then the weeks, then the months,
then there will be a day when no question is asked,
and the knots of grief will loosen in the stomach
and the puffed faces will calm.

And on that day he will not have ceased
but will have ceased to be separated by death.
How long does a man live after all?
A man lives so many different lengths of time.